


Crazy, Rich, Crazy Rich People

by Xanoka



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Cabin Pressure Games, F/M, Fluff, Found Family, Les Mis References, Mr Birling is basically a Scooby Doo Villain, Scooby Doo References, Script Format, Team Bobsled, night at the opera, puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-14 00:19:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17498072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xanoka/pseuds/Xanoka
Summary: Martin and Theresa are ready to have a Magical Evening together. But no Romantic Night at the Opera would be complete without royalty; crazy, rich people; intrigue; drama and the Airdot Family tagging along. Naturally.(Originally started as a Fandot Secret Santa gift for the prompt A Night at the Opera... in 2016..... *sweating*I'm sorry @rachelvanbora!)





	Crazy, Rich, Crazy Rich People

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rachelvanbora](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rachelvanbora/gifts).



> I don't even know anymore. I have been trying to write this fic for so long... But I'm finally letting it go. Good luck, little fic! 
> 
> And Merry Belated Christmas to the Fandot Family, and particularly @rachelvanbora. :)

[FX of a door opening and hurried footsteps.]

MARTIN:  I am so sorry!

THERESA:  _Martin_ , don't _worry._  You're here now.

M:  I was just held up my some paperwork, then the traffic was dreadful and -

T:  _Martin._

M: [Sounding deflated]. I know what you're thinking.  You're right, I -

T:  I don't think you do know what I am thinking. [FX of a hand smoothing over fabric]. I was thinking that I am about to go to the _opera_ with a _very_ handsome man in a _very_ fine suit.

M: [Flustered]. Oh.  Oh! No! No, I didn't think you were thinking that.

T: [Flirtily]. Well, it's true.  I am a very lucky woman.

M:  I don't think any of my old girlfriends have ever told me that.  Not that I'm thinking of them right now! I mean! Ek!

T:  [Laughing] It's so cute when you get all red.  Like a little tomato.

M: [Resignedly] Really?  And I'm sure it goes so _well_ with my hair.  You look stunning, by the way.

T: Oh, thank you!  It's not too much? My dress is not a little [FX of cloth rustling and swishing] long?

M:  It's perfect.  You're perfect.

[Both giggle and FX kissing]

M:  Are you sure you don't mind the others coming along tonight?  I could call them -

T:  Martin, of course not!  They're like your family.  And you've been so busy lately, you haven't seen them.  Besides, it is always an _adventure_ with them.

M:  You're not wrong.  Though you may live to regret it.  Are you _sure_ -

T:   _Martin._

M:  All right.  Thank you.

T:  Thank _you._

M:  Me? What for?

T:  For this evening!  For this _suit_.  You're all wrapped up for me like a Christmas present.

M:  Oh! Well, uh - _maybe_ you can unwrap it later?  Since, uh, we'll need to be going soon...

T:  Maybe I will.

[FX kiss]

[FX doorbell ringing loudly, ruining the moment]

ARTHUR:  Chaps! Skip!  Are you in? Mum, I don't think they're here.  Maybe we should try the windows?

M:  No! Arthur!  It's fine. I'm coming now!

[FX hurried footsteps, door opening.  ARTHUR, CAROLYN, DOUGLAS and HERC enter to general greetings.]

T:  Is everyone ready?  The taxi should be here in five minutes.

A:  Wow!  I can't believe we're going to see an opera!  Do you think there'll be ghosts? Oh, and sword fights!

DOUGLAS:  No, Arthur.  Just singing and a lot of poor people.

A:  Really?  Is it like the one with the barricades?

CAROLYN:  No. I told you.  That was a musical.   _This_ is an opera.  There's no talking in opera.  Only singing.

A:  But there was no talking in the barricade one.  And they were all singing at each other. That's basically talking, isn't it?  You know, using words.

D:  He's got you there, Carolyn.

M:   _Les_ _Misérables_ is a sung-through.  It's still a musical, just with no spoken dialogue.

D:  A fan, are we, Martin?

M:  I may have _dreamed_ a dream or two in my time, yes.

D:  At the end of the day, I don't blame you.  What about you, Herc?

HERC: I do have a heart full of love for that show.

C:  If the Three Tenors over there are quite finished?

A: Yeah, let's go!

[FX: front door, footsteps, general departure in taxis.]

A: Wow, so that was opera!

D: The very same.

T: What did you think, Arthur? As good as _Les Misèrables_?

A: No. I mean, yeah, it was brilliant. I didn't even know voices could _go_ that high!

D: Well, you never met my ex-wife.

C: [Warningly] _Douglas._

A: Yeah, and that lady must be able to hold her breath for a _really_ long time.

D: Again, my ex-wife -

C: [More menacingly] Douglas, I’m warning you.

D: …. was a professional pearl diver.

A: Wow? Really??? That’s amazing!

C: [Quellingly] We were _talking_ about the _opera_.

A: Oh, right! Well, anyway, the best part was definitely _Theresa_!

T: [Surprised] Me?

A: Yeah! It was brilliant! When Mr. Birling came in -

C: The nerve of that man, trying to take _our_ box.

A: And you were all: "I am her Serene Highness, Princess Extraordinaire of… stuff" -

H: Yes, I enjoyed that bit too. There's nothing quite like watching the obscenely wealthy being put in their place. Very politely. Like judo, but with tiaras and Old Money.

A: And then Mr. Birling was all: "And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling... people."

D: I fear you might be confusing Theresa with Scooby Doo.

A:  No way! She's definitely Velma!  You know, the pretty one who solves the problems.

M: _Daphne's_ the pretty one, Arthur.  Ah! But! So is Velma! Velma's _very_ pretty! And clever!

A: [Blithely] Yeah, exactly.  We're kind of like the Scooby Gang, aren't we?

D:  Not particularly, since we don't battle vampires.

A:  What?  No, but we are though.  Only - instead of a van we have a plane -

M: Yes, except the only mystery about this machine is how it's still flying.

H: As her Captain, I resent that. And you're forgetting the Case of the Gold Plated Wiring.

D: Ah, yes. Golden Goose GERTIE. The old girl is more Fairy Tale than Children's Horror Story, isn't she?

H: Is there a difference?

D: Touché.

A: [Starts laughing] Oh! I just thought of something really funny!

C: [Pauses] Well?

D: [Deadpan] Please, Arthur, the suspense is killing us.

A: No, but. I was thinking. You know that game we play?

H: You'll have to be more specific.

A: You know. The one where you take a letter away and make a new title.

M: Oh, uh. Three Men in a Boa?

A: Yeah. Well, when you said that stuff about GERTIE and the goose and everything. And I thought: Treasure Plane!

H: That's actually... very good.

D: Yes, well _done_ , Arthur.

A: Awww, thank chaps!

H: Speaking of which. How about: The Princess and the ‘Fro?

A: Ha!

C: 'Fro'? What on Earth is a 'fro'?

M: 'The Lion _Kin_ ' _._

D: Not bad. A little too _Godfather._

T: Twelve Years a _Slav_.

D: [Impressed] _Theresa._

H: I'm sorry, Arthur. I'm afraid that might top yours.

A: I don't really mind. As long as everyone's happy, it doesn't really matter, does it?

T: That's very sweet, Arthur.

C: Yes, well. I'd rather avoid cavities, if it's all the same to you, so on that note, the fat lady has sung, the bucket has been kicked, the chickens hatched, and we must away. Hercules! Summon the car!

D: Were all the dragon-drawn chariots taken?

H: Alas, I’d already booked the Uber.

A: Ha! We even travel around places and solve problems.  And mysteries! Like that time with the Talisker!

C:  Yes, but that was just Douglas -

A:  And there are five of us, just like in Scooby Doo.  Three guys and two girls.

M:  Two _men_ and a dog.

A:  Oooohhhhhh!  Can I be the dog?!

D:  I don't think that was ever in dispute, Arthur.

A:  Brilliant!

H:  And the client's usually the villain.

C:  Well, that's certainly true.

A:  And Theresa's definitely Velma, like I said.

C:  What?  No! That would make me Daphne.  I don't want to be Daphne! She's useless.  She just stands there and gets kidnapped all the time.

A:  Mum!  Daphne isn't useless!  She's got nice hair! And that jumper.

D:  And she gets to stick with Fred.

C:  Ahhh.  Good point.

M:  Wait, what?  Are you saying I'm Shaggy?  I am not Shaggy!

H:  Easily flustered.

C:  Messy hair.

D:  But you do get to spend your time with _Velma_ , Martin.

M:  I suppose...

H:  Then who am I?

D:  Scrappy.

A: Brilliant!  We should do the catchphrases!  

D:  Yes, why the hell not?

M:  No!

D:  Come on, Martin.  I'll say mine if you say yours.

M:  Your catchphrase isn't stupid.

D:  Neither is yours.

M:   _Your_ catchphrase is basically "Let's split up!"

C:  Music to my ears.

M:  And no one else has to -

T:  Jinkies.

[Surprised pause]

A:  Yeah!  Come on, Martin.  Even Theresa's joining in.  Look, I'll do mine: YabadabaDOOO!

D:  I think you'll find that's the wrong show, Arthur.

A:  Is it?  Oh. Right.  Of course. Expelliarmus!

D:  [affectedly] Come on, gang.

M:  All right, fine.  [Quietly] Zoiks.

D:  Well done.  Now, Carolyn -

C:  No.

[FX cars pulling up.]

H: And the taxis have arrived. Should I say it? What the hell. Let's split up, gang!

D: That's my line, _Scrappy_.

H: Too late. I suppose that makes you Scrappy now. What a shame.

[Audible fuming]

[Hugs and goodbyes. FX of MARTIN and THERESA getting into a taxi.]

T: You see, Martin? Always an adventure!


End file.
